More than friends...

This morning I'm gonna touch on, "We're just friends". This has been a trying topic in a few of my relationships because I'm extremely jealous by nature. In this era of social networking, communication and re-connections are at a all time high. I have seen more relationships end over Facebook and Myspace in the last 5 years than even makes sense. With some basic ground rules this can be a simple topic, but if you're dealing with a social butterfly problems can arise. If you have friends of the opposite sex they need to be established as friends prior to your current relationships, preferably years established. Now what constitutes as friends is where the disconnection usually comes. Someone you went to college with is not a friend if you lost touch. Someone you worked with years ago is not a friend. Someone from your hometown that you havent spoken to in years is not a friend. These people are associates as it relates to the communication levels in a relationship. Now associates can have some communication but not regular or consistent. If these people are truly friends you never loose touch. I don't have to go through facebook to find a friend. I have friends of the opposite sex and we have been friends and stayed in touch over the years. If I loose touch with you I have to now consider you an associate in the parameters of my relationship. What is not acceptable as a friend is an ex or someone that you have crossed over the line with. I get tired of the stories of how an ex is a friend. I was guilty of this myself. What I realized about this type of relationship is that regardless of the innocence it will make the person you are currently with uncomfortable. That is what matters in a relationship ultimately. Once you decide to cross that line, you have decided you cant go back and you have to put them out of the friend zone. Now an ex can possibly be a level 3 associate. This means if you see them you speak but there should be no other efforts of communication. All encounters/communication must be by chance not set up, forced, or planned. Any effort to reach out to an ex is clear violation and cause an disconnect between you and your current as well as a notch against your trust belt. It's not worth it unless your current relationship isn't worth you avoiding conflict. When you hesitate to cut communication with an ex you raise an eyebrow. The best relationships don't even have these conversations but depending on "popularity" it can be harder for some couples than others. If you have a genuine friend then it should be disclosed at the beginning of the relationship, they should be able to meet your significant other, and there shouldn't be new "friends" popping up. I have never been in the club, at the bar, or on Facebook and said "Damn, She looks like a good friend". A genuine friend will also understand that communication will change due to your relationship and never cross lines. Women often fall for the trap of thinking a guy just wants to be friends but its just their way of getting close to you. This game was played out a while ago but seems to be coming back because of the social networking. Remember this convo Him-"You got a man" Her-"Yes" Him- "I don't want to get between that but maybe we could just talk some time". This was game, weak backdoor game but game. Now I can get your name, send you a FB request, and I know everything about you. I can look at pictures, get your email, figure out where you work, and have a direct line through IM, inbox messaging, and page comments! I dont even need your number anymore. Guys are just asking for FB these days. Open your eyes and see what's going on. FB, Twitter, and any other social networking can be used for evil. Be advised and choose your actions wisely. If it causes confusion, arguments, or trust issues why do it?