Sex therapy...

Not sure why I chose this topic but I figured I'd use my expertise for some good. The importance of good sex in a relationship is often mistaken as a case by case basis. I know a few people that say it's not about the sex, but if we examine this thought it really is. It has a lot to do with the sexual experience of your partner. Most of the time if a female is not into sex its because she has not had enough sexual experience. If a man is not into sex it's usually because someone has had him open in the past that makes the sex hard to duplicate therefore leaving him unsatisfied. Emotions play a HUGE part in this equation. Emotions can make bad sex ok, ok sex good, and good sex great. On that same note emotions make great sex unbelievable. With that said, if you have to follow someone that was an awesome lover and your just ok, emotions can get you through... Sometimes. The worse situation is to have to follow a man that a woman had great sex and was extremely emotionally attached or vice versa. This relationship can work, but just know that that man will always have a piece of her heart. She may not act on it, but that man will always be there no matter how bad the break-up, or how much she says she's over him. If you have her/him emotionally you control your destiny. A man can make sex great as long as he's "equipped". The biggest difficulty for a man is to get in tune with a woman emotionally if he's been there before. Typically he was hurt by a break-up this can cause a wall to form keeping the early sex strictly physical. As long as he has had time to heal from it he can submit to his emotions.

Sex is a learned thing. No matter what guys want to think she's good because of somebody else that got her to open up. Woman aren't typically as sexually open as men. Unfortunately the person that gets her to open up doesn't reap the full benefit of his work. It's the guy after that knows a little bit more than him and now that she's open he takes her to the next level. This guy, or sometimes these guys, are the in between folks that tone her skills. By the time she gets to you she's talkin shit, smackin your ass, bitin your chest, and givin you head that could pull your hamstring. Men on the other hand need to be equipped, and also need some training. Confidence in the bedroom is key for a man. A cocky dude in the bedroom is what a woman wants. You got to know you put gonna put it down before you put it down. Men should never be scared to do something new. She'll tell you if she doesnt like it. What do you have to loose, you're already having sex. In order to enhance your learning men and women should watch "movies" and watch them together. Men speak if you see something you like and pay attention to your woman. Women might not say I want to try that but they may say "Oh", "Wow", "Shit" or if she was talking and then gets really quiet, see what caught her attention. You have to strive to be the best lover your partner has ever had. It's all about pleasing the other. Most of us learned how to please ourselves a long time ago. Never be a selfish lover. You should want the person your with to be satisfied before you "finish" (this is for men). Sex is 40-50% of every relationship. I have to say that because e a relationship can end over sex so we can't say it's not that important. Let's challenge ourselves to try something new with your lover tonight. Go on the internet, or stop by the adult store or maybe just put a little something special on tonight. Spice things up and have a GREAT night.

The R

More than friends...

This morning I'm gonna touch on, "We're just friends". This has been a trying topic in a few of my relationships because I'm extremely jealous by nature. In this era of social networking, communication and re-connections are at a all time high. I have seen more relationships end over Facebook and Myspace in the last 5 years than even makes sense. With some basic ground rules this can be a simple topic, but if you're dealing with a social butterfly problems can arise. If you have friends of the opposite sex they need to be established as friends prior to your current relationships, preferably years established. Now what constitutes as friends is where the disconnection usually comes. Someone you went to college with is not a friend if you lost touch. Someone you worked with years ago is not a friend. Someone from your hometown that you havent spoken to in years is not a friend. These people are associates as it relates to the communication levels in a relationship. Now associates can have some communication but not regular or consistent. If these people are truly friends you never loose touch. I don't have to go through facebook to find a friend. I have friends of the opposite sex and we have been friends and stayed in touch over the years. If I loose touch with you I have to now consider you an associate in the parameters of my relationship. What is not acceptable as a friend is an ex or someone that you have crossed over the line with. I get tired of the stories of how an ex is a friend. I was guilty of this myself. What I realized about this type of relationship is that regardless of the innocence it will make the person you are currently with uncomfortable. That is what matters in a relationship ultimately. Once you decide to cross that line, you have decided you cant go back and you have to put them out of the friend zone. Now an ex can possibly be a level 3 associate. This means if you see them you speak but there should be no other efforts of communication. All encounters/communication must be by chance not set up, forced, or planned. Any effort to reach out to an ex is clear violation and cause an disconnect between you and your current as well as a notch against your trust belt. It's not worth it unless your current relationship isn't worth you avoiding conflict. When you hesitate to cut communication with an ex you raise an eyebrow. The best relationships don't even have these conversations but depending on "popularity" it can be harder for some couples than others. If you have a genuine friend then it should be disclosed at the beginning of the relationship, they should be able to meet your significant other, and there shouldn't be new "friends" popping up. I have never been in the club, at the bar, or on Facebook and said "Damn, She looks like a good friend". A genuine friend will also understand that communication will change due to your relationship and never cross lines. Women often fall for the trap of thinking a guy just wants to be friends but its just their way of getting close to you. This game was played out a while ago but seems to be coming back because of the social networking. Remember this convo Him-"You got a man" Her-"Yes" Him- "I don't want to get between that but maybe we could just talk some time". This was game, weak backdoor game but game. Now I can get your name, send you a FB request, and I know everything about you. I can look at pictures, get your email, figure out where you work, and have a direct line through IM, inbox messaging, and page comments! I dont even need your number anymore. Guys are just asking for FB these days. Open your eyes and see what's going on. FB, Twitter, and any other social networking can be used for evil. Be advised and choose your actions wisely. If it causes confusion, arguments, or trust issues why do it?

We got it all wrong...

Topic of the day is we got it all wrong. One of my boys and I have had a running conversation on this topic. Let me explain... We are both coming to the age when we know its time to start settling down. We both have a certain type of woman that we like. Now for the sake of sounding shallow looks unfortunately are very important to me, and going to Hampton University(the real HU) my standards are very high. I have dated some extremely gorgeous women in my day, and I have an issue with not going backwards in regards to looks. It's silly but I know me. I kind of have a thing for a little bit Bourgeois women. Problem is, guys will do anything to impress or even just to be around attractive women. They'll buy them things, take them places, and not saying I don't do that but they do it too soon. I'm not gonna buy your attention. You're gonna pay attention to me because I'm me. Just like I pay attention to you because you're you. Its easy to be the "stuntin ass nigga" it's hard to be the disciplined one. If you start out spending you got to keep spending. I find it a best practice to not let on to what I have, but I do drop hints. If I have to basically open my check book to get you, I don't want you. Any brotha with any pride will not let a woman back him in a corner and force him to do things he knows are not financially sound. I don't care how fly she is, how good the sex, or how much you want her. Start out by not giving her shit!!! This way she can concentrate on you and not what you have. Now ladies I'm not saying that you should deal with a broke nigga by any means but you could be missing out on a good guy by playing with the guys that flash dreams before your eyes.

Think about couples that don't have much. These couples are IN LOVE!!!! It's not about what they have or don't have it's all about the two of them. They are so satisfied with each other they don't even pay attention to their circumstances. So does this mean I go get a pretty female that's not used to anything so everything I show her she appreciates, or do I continue to try to match or out do the last lame ass brotha that spoiled a woman terribly because that's all he could do. These cats out here are ruining good women. What happened to the grind together? What happened to young couples getting together and working to build the life they want together? Society has women looking for a guy that's spoiling them taking them on trips and shopping sprees. They're too busy trying to find ready made, high end lifestyle. Typically after these guys buy the females' attention, the girl gets wrapped up in the lifestyle, overlooks clear and evident warning signs, and ends up hurt, bitter, and sometimes a baby mama. We got it all wrong... We need to get back to the basics. Become friends first, make sure we truly like each other, and the sex is good. If we build a foundation solely on what we can do for each other if/when tough times arise we can't make it. I want that "hood love". That we love each other so much that we get crazy jealous love. That if I don't have you my world things just ain't right love. That Mary J. / Method Man "You're all I need" love!!! Where is that??? Does it exist outside the hood??? what do you think?

So late to date!

Good Monday to ya!!! This is my first blog so please be easy on me. I created this blog to be the melting pot for various topics. We'll talk sports, fitness, finance, and relationships. I promise to keep it Juicy! I'm probably the most well rounded, versatile and life experienced 29 year old u know. I've lived in MD, NY, TN, VA, and NC. I've been married, now divorced. I've seen and experienced things that some people don't get in a lifetime. This blog is gonna be a peek into the life and mind of RICH.

My first topic is gonna be dating in your 30's... I'm recently getting out of a marriage and I want to touch on the trials and tribulations of dating in your 30's. The biggest problem with dating in your 30's is the pressure you feel to actually have a "goal" by entering a relationship. The clock is ticking and with no kids and a budding career I'm looking for the "one". Casual dating goes completely out the door and every move you make you are constantly watching the clock. The problem with this is it can cause you to be drastic in and even more drastic out. You want to get married, have kids, and be a family, so every women you come in contact with your trying to pull those positive qualities out which drowns out the negative. At first glance she's cute but the more you spend time you start to see that this aint what you want. With time, the truth will come out. How do you decipher the genuine from the fake without wasting valuable time. In 2010 there are so many more issues that have to be considered and this new "independent" woman that has evolved often lacks the qualities that men usually desire. It's great to have a woman that attractive, works, and has her own money, but am I supposed to disregard the domestic qualities that my mother and grandmother displayed in an excellent model for a woman/wife.

The next major issue is the later you wait to find your mate the probability of dating a woman with kids increases exponentially. I've come to accept single mothers in my pool of potential lifemates but now we have a whole new piece of business to address. Increased responsibility, immediate fatherhood, limits on time, and of course... BABY DADDIES!!!! This is not only a stress on the man but the woman that wants more than anything to have a convetional household has to juggle her child, her man, and still deal with her ex-man. This can be a definite strain on a relationship. If there are any differences of perspectives on raising the child you have a whole new argument.

Enough of the negatives. The positive is that by your 30's you should know what you want but you have to be able to decipher early and keep it moving. Roles are changing in relationships and a women that adds to the household financially deserves to have a meal prepared for her every once in a while too. This "new" women should even the tables and keep everyone equal. If you date a single mom you have one of the strongest women on earth. She has to do everything a woman without kids does, and raises a child, giving you time, while keeping the peace with her ex. Not to mention you can peak at her mommy skills and see if this is the woman you would want to raise your child.

To sum it up its hard but possible. Keep the faith and follow God and he will lead you to your mate... or have you by yourself. Whatever the plan is it's his anyway so follow his plan and you can't loose.

Live Life Rich!!!!